Episode 43: Suburban Commando (1991)

The Hulkster’s first family film, this takes the unusual approach of ignoring the kids completely and focusing on wacky/struggling parents Christopher Lloyd and Shelley Duvall. The Hulkster is an intergalactic warrior! Pursued by bounty hunters! He learns to skateboard! He helps mimes! He steals Larry Miller’s architecture trophies! What a weird movie.

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Episode 20: Wizards of the Lost Kingdom (1985)

Ever wish there was a Deathstalker for kids? No? Ever wish there was a Willow or Neverending Story filmed in Argentina with Sleestaks, a sexy woman who turns into an insect, nunchuck-wielding peasants, a creepy sorcerer stepfather, and death by pelvic thrust right into a fire? Now that’s something everyone can enjoy. With Bo Svenson as Rowsdower!

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Episode 9: The Gnome-Mobile (1967)

In this episode, the second in our Forgotten Favorites series, MikeD presents the film that was solely responsible for his loser status in 6th grade. Two gnomes enlist the Mary Poppins kids in a quest for nubile gnome wenches, leading to a psychedelic fantasia orchestrated by Rufus the Gnome Pimp, in this Disney live-action romp based on the 1936 novel by every child’s favorite socialist nuisance candidate, Upton Sinclair.

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[gifs] Watch Gnomes jump about, cars jump, the creek, and scenes of a kid who looks like he’s had too much to drink!

Episode 4: The Quest (1986)

In this wholesome adventure, Henry Thomas uses his ET-honed bike skills to debunk the non-magical pseudo-mysteries of Aboriginal Australian mythology. Lindsay, MikeD and MikeR discuss how all joy and wonder will be sapped from the souls of kids who view this film, and how the real hero is the sassy, mom-tormenting kid sister Jane.

Not to be confused with the JCVD vehicle of the same name, The Quest (1986) was released internationally under a plethora of other, less generic titles (The Spirit Chaser, Frog Dreaming, The Secret of the Lake). Despite marginal success in its home country, it was one of the first films that a young Miramax acquired and blandified for American video distribution. Enjoy!

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[gifs] Go to the gifs page to see the best rockabilly band in Australia, some sweet rail-biking, and more

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